Second Baby, Better Postpartum: What I Did Differently This Time Around

A deep dive into intentional choices I made during pregnancy and postpartum that made postpartum more manageable this time around.

After the birth of our first daughter, postpartum anxiety hit unexpectedly. I didn’t think it would be something that I would have to face, nor was I prepared for it. During my most recent pregnancy, I took a proactive approach instead of reactive one hoping for the best possible outcome.

Let me be transparent about something: postpartum is going to have its challenges no matter what. BUT what I will tell you is that going into it with a plan vs going into it hoping for the best makes a huge difference. This pregnancy I was more and honest with myself about what I actually needed and, was intentional about putting those things into place. Here's what I did during this pregnancy and postpartum that helped me feel better mentally, physically, and emotionally. Let's get into what I did that made a big difference in my overall pregnancy and postpartum wellness. 

I Started Therapy During Pregnancy...Not After

One of the most important decisions I made this time was starting therapy while I was still pregnant. Unlike the last time I did not wait until I was drowning to get support. I anticipated there being challenges, and already having a therapeutic relationship established made it much easier to work through them, and it was one less thing to have to research, plan, and coordinate while caring for a newborn. My therapist was familiar with my history which meant I didn't have to start from scratch.

If you can access mental health support during pregnancy, do it. You don't have to be in crisis to receive support.

I Scheduled a Lactation Appointment During the First Week

Humble moment here...I am a lactation consultant which means I am very familiar with all of the things when it comes to breastfeeding. I know the latch techniques, the positions, the troubleshooting steps. But here's what I also know: Being a professional does not eliminate the emotional side of being a mom...especially in the early postpartum days. I booked a lactation appointment just a few days after delivery because I needed someone who wasn't me... someone without any emotional stake in my experience to give me unbiased, judgment-free support and reassurance. Logic and emotion are two very different things when you're a new mom again, no matter how much you know.

I Started Pelvic Floor PT During Pregnancy

This is one I wish I had done with my first. I can't stress enough how important and impactful pelvic floor PT is both before and after birth. Starting pelvic floor physical therapy while still pregnant meant my body was being prepared — not just recovering after the fact. My pelvic floor PT helped me understand how to protect my body during pregnancy and during labor, and make for an easier postpartum recovery. Physical recovery is deeply connected to mental wellness. When your body feels like it's falling apart, everything else feels harder. Getting ahead of this was one of the most practical things I did for my overall wellbeing.

I Actually Let My Husband Help

After the birth of my first child I took on numerous responsibilities, both visible and invisible: the laundry, the dinner, the middle-of-the-night wakes, the planning, the organizing, and more even when I was exhausted. In my mind doing it all meant having control, and letting my husband assist felt like losing that control. When I did allow him to "help" I often found myself micromanaging his actions or checking up on him, sometimes redoing things the way I felt they should be done. I eventually made a conscious decision to let my husband truly help and handle things his way. What was waiting for me on the other side of this was a freedom and form of self-care I hadn't realized I was missing. Genuine help, not just delegating while managing every step, was a self-care practice I hadn't given myself before. A helpful question I ask myself when I feel the urge to take over or "fix" things is: Is this a genuine cause for concern, or is it simply a matter of preference? If you have a partner who is willing, let them.

Boundaries With My Time and What I Commit to is Essential

When I reflect I realize that during my first postpartum experience I committed to too many things too soon. Visitors, obligations, expectations that were unrealistic (from others and from myself). This time around I am a lot more protective of my time. I am very intentional about what I agree to take on physically, and emotionally, and what I show up for. I'd be lying if I said that setting these boundaries wasn't still a challenge some days, but not setting boundaries only leads to even bigger challenges. Managing feelings of guilt has allowed me to be a lot more comfortable setting firmer boundaries this time.

My priority is to stay well so that I can continue to show up for myself and my family in a way that I feel good about.

Doing Things for Myself is an Invaluable Investment

Intentional and consistent investments in myself aren't optional, they are mandatory for my overall well-being and personal growth. They also allow me to recharge. Taking time to do a hobby I enjoy, shopping, pampering myself at the salon, or scheduling time with friends helps me feel grounded. These moments of self-care and enjoyment serve as reminders that I am more than just a caregiver; I am an individual with my own needs and desires. Prioritizing my needs ensures that I can continue to sustain showing up as the best mama I can be. When I take the time to nurture myself, I am better equipped to handle the challenges of motherhood, respond to my family's needs with patience, and foster a loving environment in our home. The benefits of these investments in caring for myself extend beyond me. They set a powerful example for my children about the importance of self-worth and the value of taking time for yourself. By demonstrating that it is okay to prioritize my own happiness and well-being, I hope to instill in them a sense of balance and self-respect that they can carry into their own lives.

Doing things for yourself is a reminder that life still exists outside out being a mother.

Grace for Myself and Realistic Expectations

With our first child I had this grandiose idea of what I thought being a mother was supposed to look like. I believed I should perfectly juggle everything: laundry, the cleaning, working out several days a week, hobbies, personal time, cooking three meals a day, breastfeeding, looking perfectly put together each day, and getting adequate rest all while still being the perfect wife, daughter, friend and more. When reality didn't align with my expectations, I felt like a failure which only drove me to push even harder to live up to this unrealistic fantasy of perfectionism that I had created in my mind. This time, I'm working hard to change this mindset. I have a lot more acceptance of my new reality as a mama of two, and that reality is that I can't do it all. I'm learning to prioritize what truly needs to be done each day and to be okay with postponing some tasks. Honestly, as a mom things are never "done" there's always going to be one more thing to do.

Grace is being patient and kind to yourself even when things don't go as planned.

You're Not Alone in This

I wish I could say that postpartum has been effortless. There are still moments of anxiety, challenging days, and moments when I have to stop the downward spiral of self-criticism. However, its so much easier to tackle these issues this time around because unlike my first postpartum experience I am better prepared. I put in the effort beforehand. My hope for every mama is to enter postpartum with a plan and the support you need to navigate the challenges that can come with the beautiful experience of motherhood.

If this message resonates with you share it with another mama who might need it. Drop a comment and let me know what has helped you navigate your postpartum journey. I'd love to hear from you.